Text Messages and Failing Calculus
by fbeauchamphartz
Summary: Sebastian is bugging Kurt via text message while Kurt is trying to get his Calculus homework done. But in the end, Kurt sends Sebastian a message that pretty much ensures he won't be getting his homework done at all. Follows 'Jack Daniels and Heartaches' Skank!Kurt Dalton!Sebastian Kurt H. Sebastian S.


**A/N** : _**I wrote this as a quick, sweet little pick me up after the super angst of 'Jack Daniels and Heartaches'. It's written mostly in the form of text messages, so be warned. Inspired in part by this post**_ _ **post/126160444902/i-need-this-sign.**_

 _ **Part six in a series that is now called "He Was My Almost", about Sebastian living next door to Kurt at Dalton.**_

 _ **Bad Dreams**_

 _ **A Compromised Position**_

 _ **The Bedroom Arrangement**_

 _ **Mutually Amenable**_

 _ **Jack Daniels and Heartaches**_

To: Kurt

Your room's too quiet. Where are you? What are you doing?

To: Sebastian

Okay…stalker much?

To: Kurt

Ha-ha, very funny.

…

I'm serious. Where are you? I'm bored.

To: Sebastian

I'm here. I'm doing Calculus homework, and I'm three examples away from being done, so go away.

To: Kurt

I don't wanna.

To: Sebastian

Masturbate or something.

To: Kurt

Already did.

…

Twice.

…

By the way, you're out of lube.

To: Sebastian

Fuck! That's where that went? You klepto!

To: Kurt

Hardly. It was on your desk. It's not like it was in the third drawer of your dresser underneath your socks and your stash where you usually keep it.

…

Just saying.

To: Sebastian

You have problems.

To: Kurt

Yeah, and one of them is that I'm sober and bored as fuck, so put that shit away and come to my room.

To: Sebastian

Too bad. I'm not failing this assignment because you're a clingy s.o.b.

To: Kurt

I am not clingy.

To: Sebastian

You're clingy as hell.

To: Kurt

Prove it.

To: Sebastian

You steal all the blankets, kick them to the floor, then you get cold and wrap around me like a vine.

…

That's clingy.

To: Kurt

You're wrong, you salacious bitch. I'm going to sue for slander.

To: Sebastian

I dare you to try it.

…

And you know what. You're right. Clingy is for cute things, like vines and koalas. You're more like a boa constrictor. Now go the fuck away.

To: Kurt

I will not go away.

…

You think vines are cute?

To: Sebastian

Compared to you.

To: Kurt

Nice, Hummel.

"Ugh!"

To: Kurt

I just heard that. What's up?

To: Sebastian

I think my brain's melting. Is that possible? Can the human brain actually melt?

To: Kurt

I don't think so. But under the right circumstances, I'm sure it can saute. Possibly poach. In that case, I would recommend a fruity white wine.

…

But no joke. What's up? That didn't sound like a good _ugh!_

To: Sebastian

Is there such a thing as a good _ugh_!?

To: Kurt

Yes.

To: Sebastian

How?

To: Kurt

Well, it's not so much the _ugh!_ per se, but how you say it.

…

Why don't you come to my room and I'll demonstrate.

To: Sebastian

Because I fucking still have fucking homework to do, Smythe!

…

Wait, why aren't you doing _your_ Calculus homework? Have you accepted failure as your lord and savior?

To: Kurt

I finished the assignment in class.

To: Sebastian

Well then maybe you could be less of an asshole and come help me with it!

To: Kurt

Nope. Not now. You insulted me. I'm traumatized.

"Ugh!"

To: Kurt

Okay, what was that _ugh!_ about? It sounded worse than the first one.

To: Sebastian

That _ugh!_ was about how I don't want to think about Calculus anymore!

To: Kurt

What do you _want_ to think about?

To: Sebastian

I don't want to be thinking about anything right now.

…

Except maybe sex.

…

Rough sex.

…

Having rough sex.

…

For the next seven hours, or until I pass out, whichever comes first.

…

That's it. Rough sex and not thinking would be really great right now.

…

…

Sebastian?

The clumsily undignified clomping of feet running starts from a distance and gets steadily louder as it barrels up to Kurt's room.

 _Knock knock knock knock knock knock…_

Kurt practically falls out of his chair laughing when a fist starts battering his door, considering the footsteps that proceeded it, racing down the short hall in three seconds flat. Kurt gets up from his chair, walks to the door, and opens it. Sebastian is standing there, one hand raised, balled into a fist, having been stopped mid-knock. He holds his cell phone up in his other hand with Kurt's last series of messages displayed, in case Kurt tries to claim he didn't send them or that he forgot.

"You summoned me?" Sebastian says, shoving his phone in his pocket and smoothing out his blazer, attempting to look more suave.

"You knocked this time," Kurt says, acting surprised. "Why? Don't you have a key? And how exactly did I summon you?"

"You know me. I always appear at the sound of the words _rough sex_."

"What sound?" Kurt laughs. "I didn't even say them out loud!"

"Details," Sebastian says, pushing Kurt out of the way and storming into his room. "Petty details. Now hurry and sit down. The quicker we get this done, the quicker we get to the _rough sex_."

"Sebastian…" Kurt says, stupidly arguing because, in the end, he's going to have to learn this shit to pass the class.

"You're right. That'll never work," Sebastian says. "You write as fast as old people fuck. I'll write the answers for you. You get undressed."

Kurt shakes his head. "Sebastian!"

"Dammit, Hummel! Hurry up! You said seven hours and we're burning daylight here!"

Sebastian throws off his own blazer and tugs at his tie as he sits down, picks up Kurt's pencil, and starts to write. Kurt rolls his eyes. He's not going to win this argument. Really, he only has himself to blame. He kind of set himself up for this with that text he sent. He knew this would probably happen. Fuck it all anyway. He's a good student. He can afford to get a B on _one_ quiz. What good has math ever done for him, not to mention Calculus? He doesn't have any plans of becoming an engineer. He's only taking it because the school counselor thought it would look good on his college applications. Besides, nothing says he can't get Sebastian to explain it to him _after_ they fuck.

Kurt is pulling down his boxers when he realizes he just used the argument of 'sex with Sebastian better than success in school' – an argument Sebastian has tried to use on Kurt several times before - to talk himself out of his clothes.

Motherfucking Sebastian. Now _that's_ a talent.

Kurt climbs under the sheet on his bed and watches Sebastian kick off his shoes while solving a proof and unbuttoning his shirt one-handed.

Kurt was wrong. No, _that's_ a talent right there. Or at least some seriously impressive multi-tasking, especially since Kurt knows all those proofs he's completing will be correct. Sebastian's a whiz at math.

And he's doing it for Kurt – committing academic fraud so that he can have sex with Kurt. And he actually looks excited about it.

Kurt will never tell Sebastian how huge a turn on that is.

"Okaaaaaaaaay, got it!" Sebastian says, slamming the pencil down on the desk. "Done!" He stands up and finishes his sloppy job of undressing, popping two buttons off his shirt and tripping over the legs of his pants in his fervor to get into Kurt's bed. He's still inching off his left sock with his right big toe when his knees sort of give up supporting him and he falls onto the bed, almost flattening Kurt and the erection tenting his sheets.

"Watch out!" Kurt says, covering his cock, still laughing as Sebastian flails. He's tangled up, destroying the top sheet in his effort to finally reach Kurt, panting like he just ran a marathon and Kurt is the finish line.

"You're ridiculous, do you know that?" Kurt chuckles, struggling underneath Sebastian's body as Sebastian settles over him…but not too much.

"Yeah," Sebastian says, immediately launching into an attack on Kurt's neck, "but you love it. Admit it."

Sebastian hits one of Kurt's rare ticklish spots and Kurt squirms away. Sebastian doesn't let up, but moves down an inch, sucking slowly on a different spot that makes Kurt's body tingle.

"Yeah," Kurt says, looping his arms around Sebastian's neck to keep him locked to that one spot for as long as he can. "I guess I do."


End file.
